Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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