let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
