idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
