I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
