I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
