you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
