I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
