How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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