I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
