thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
