Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize