i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
