He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
