you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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