yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
