I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize