He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
