can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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