ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
