Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
no you cant smoke seaweed
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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