What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
