You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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