I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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