he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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