just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
