So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
