But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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