i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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