i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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