I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
