Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my poor anus
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
