its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
