Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
