who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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