Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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