If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
