**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
