Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
