We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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