garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
