my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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