She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
