I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
