We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
