so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm really busy with my period
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