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You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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