Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
