Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Can Purell be used as lube?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
