i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
