i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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