Cold hands, warm shart.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
