I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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