i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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