he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize