Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
