Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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