he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you never un-have a 4some
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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