Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
