i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's shark week go big or go home
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
