Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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