i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
