Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
