If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
