Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
