see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
