I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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