You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
