I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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