I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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