She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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