I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize