There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize