Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
