if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
