Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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