Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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