You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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