who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
