yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
