Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
