me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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