He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
