We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
